Taking my Sweet Ass Time

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Decisions or actions are often rushed leading you to feel anxious and question whether you have made the right decision.  Your confidence isn’t high because you just “aren’t sure” that you are moving in the right direction.  You’re frustrated and annoyed because it’s not moving fast enough or you can’t figure out why it’s so hard.

I’m here to tell you that it is OK to allow yourself the time and space to plan something out.  Give yourself permission to think about it – not from your head, but from your intuition (aka the heart / inner voice) using your emotions as a guidance system to tell you that you are heading in the right direction.  Unlike the way most of us practice on a day to day basis, the head is for feeling and the heart is for thinking.

This is a difficult concept to grasp right?  The head is where your thoughts happen, that’s what it’s built for – thinking!  Let me explain – when I’m feeling frustrated, annoyed and thinking “why the hell can’t I figure this out?!” I’m experiencing a negative emotion created by my thoughts about the situation.  This negative emotion is an indication from my intuition that I’m not acting / thinking in accordance with my belief system and with what I’m trying to achieve.  The more I focus on my thoughts about not being able to do it, the more I get nowhere.   Now, had I thought from my intuition I would know the minute I feel those negative emotions to stop and immediately pivot my behaviour and/or thinking until I have positive emotions, then knowing that I’m on the right track.

In my real life, I have been unknowingly struggling to allow myself the time and space to plan things out.  To me, taking that time signifies procrastination, INACTION and INDECISION.  But by definition procrastination means “unhurried” or “leisurely”.  When did that become such a bad thing?!

For the past week, I have been looking at my huge yard, it hasn’t been properly cared for in over a year and there is grass overgrown around every tree and the edge of my lawn looking something like a mini jungle.  Yesterday, I decided that I was going to clean up my entire yard.  Let me just point out that I have no experience with gardening, landscaping or any type of garden tools whatsoever.  So, without ever having used one before, I took this big metal whipper snipper type tool that starts like a chainsaw and just started hacking away at any long bits of grass that caught my eye – completely without any rhythm, method or consistency.  About 10 minutes in I had a string of thoughts run through my mind;

  • ‘how do I even use this stupid thing?’,
  • ‘what is my plan here?’
  • ‘I’m tired already, this is going to take forever’
  • ‘this isn’t efficient there’s got to be a better way’
  • ‘am I holding this tool right’
  • ‘is anyone watching me?’

So I stopped, feeling annoyed and pissed off at myself for not knowing how to be an expert landscaper straight away (like seriously how hard is it to cut long grass?!).  Noticing that my emotional guidance system was totally out of whack I interrupted myself and contemplated what I was doing; “hang on a minute there Edward Scissorhands, you have never done this before, what did you think was going to happen you would just have your own personal Central Park by the end of the day?”.

I then allowed myself the space to think about the tools I thought I needed that I could actually use and the method in which I would move around the yard, the time that I would need to actually complete the task and then I just let the expectations go.  The confidence that I can do it is still there, but the pressure and the frustration has completely disappeared.  My emotions now feel positive which indicates to me that by creating a plan of attack for my front yard mini jungle and allowing myself time to complete the task I am moving in the right direction.

self revelation

The thought pattern for me is

  • “Something needs to be done – so just do it because then you can move on to the next thing”

The result is that I’m unable to complete things efficiently and get frustrated and angry because of my;

  • constant need to have a full to-do list
  • inability to allow myself the time and space to strategically plan something out because it feels wasteful, indecisive + all too “slow”

lesson learned

Give yourself the space to think, plan + decide KNOWING that the right answer will come to you when the time is right.  Start with brainstorming on a piece of paper, answering from your intuition and not your head and see where this leads you.  Slowing down will help you to make decisions and proceed with projects more confidently, methodically and feel the physical weight of pressure and hurry lifting from your shoulders.