Getting Turned On. Bringing Pleasure into Your Everyday Life.
It seems that when most of us think of pleasure we pretty immediately shift to sex or food. But pleasure is a feeling of satisfaction or enjoyment and what I am advocating for is pleasure in ordinary moments.
Getting turned on by turning on your senses (we have them for a reason ladies) via a pathway that is not about pleasing anyone else but yourself.
For us "to have pleasurable sensations we have to be in receiving mode". Unlike men, who both sexually and non-sexually can have pleasurable sensations automatically (take your boner elsewhere guys this is about us). As women and mothers, we are often taught to think of others first, put their needs before our own, to give without consideration for receiving.
We have 8,000 deliciously sensitive nerves in our clitoris but hello we have 100 billion nerve endings in our entire body. Self pleasure as a practice should involve things that feel good in every possible scenario, not just sex! Engage your senses in your everyday tasks. Often we don't have a choice about what we do, but we do have a choice about how we do them.
How do we develop a relationship with pleasure?
It is a muscle we have to develop. It is something uncomfortable that we have to get comfortable with.
Have you ever taken the time to notice when pleasure is created in your everyday life and when it isn’t? Have you ever noticed the little things that bring you joy or excitement like how you feel when you wear new pyjamas, the smell of coffee and the feeling of warmth in your hands, how delicious it is to have a fridge full of fresh food after grocery shopping, the luxury of lying in fresh sheets on your bed.
Practice being intentional and deliberate about how you engage with things you are doing, your environment and your senses. The more you do it, the easier it will become.
What is the difference between pleasure and self-care?
I'm not a huge self-care fan, it just feels to me like something I don't have time for and often don't want to wait for. When I want to feel good, I want it now - not in 3 days when my massage lady finally has an opening but by which stage I'm so frazzled I sleep through the entire appointment. But opening my awareness and seeking pleasure from things I am already doing, now that I can do! In summary;
Self-care is added to your to-do list, something you scratch into your calendar, something you do to treat yourself once in a while (or more frequently if time and money permits).
Pleasure is making everyday things feel good to your senses, to your body and therefore to your mind. Writing your emails in the sun, in bed, while listening to music. Making your workspace beautiful. Putting fresh flowers in your room. Cooking a meal that genuinely excites you. Watching an episode of Outlander. Pursue the things that light you up.
15 things I do to turn myself on...
- Make my bed feel like a hotel bed - with clean white fresh sheets and nice cushions and throws.
- Organise my fridge so I can see all the beautiful food I have
- Diffuse essential oils
- Have fresh flowers around the house
- Brew a proper coffee at home each morning and drink it from a Keepcup for that cafe-like vibe.
- Write with a beautiful pen. I have a Swarovski pen my very special friends got me that I write with every single day.
- Power down my gadgets when I'm with friends or family. Very rarely do I answer calls or message when I'm with others.
- Light candles
- Ensure the fruit bowl is full
- Close the curtains, hop in bed and watch Outlander for that intimate Jamie Fraser cinema effect. If you haven't watched it then you haven't lived.
- Listen to my favourite playlist on Spotify while I'm cleaning (Ibiza Sunset)
- Match my things, I can't stand odd glasses, plates, cups and linen. I get so much joy in having things compliment each other
- Put perfume on before bed (this is one I'm actually going to steal from my Aunty; she totally slays the self-pleasure thing)
- Eat outside - especially in summertime
- Make my workspace beautiful - I spend a lot of time at my desk so I like to make sure it is a place of inspiration, not suffocation.
Once you've had a chance to read, I'd love to know:
What everyday things bring you pleasure? Where are you going to pursue pleasure in your day to day life?
Leave a comment below and let me know. Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. I want to create a space where people can come here each week for insight and inspiration, and your story may help someone else have a meaningful breakthrough.